Deaf Lesbians’ Systemic Barriers to Adoption

Ella and Judy discuss the challenges they faced as first-generation lesbian mothers dealing with systemic barriers to adoption.

Domestic Violence Led to Move

Judy: I had five children who I brought with me to Kansas from Oklahoma due to domestic violence that caused a breakdown in spiritual growth, as well as physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I moved to protect my children from this. We lived in a shelter for a long while. 

Ella: Just before she left Oklahoma, we both had met and fell in love. Because of this situation with her husband, I supported them the best I could, visiting from time to time. On each visit, I spent time with the children, and got to know them. They were quite young then, the oldest around 8 – 9 years and youngest around 2-3 years old. That was during 1983-1984.

Search for Housing Suitable for Five Children

Judy: Finding our own place with five children was next to impossible. Thanks to a friend in the Vocational Rehabilitation Division, who helped us locate a townhouse that was part of a coop. With that, we finally settled a bit.

Ella: Judy filed for divorce…and after one year, what happened?

Judge Rules in favor of Lesbian Mother

Judy: I got my (maiden) name back. I also got full custody of my children. I was thrilled! My lawyer knew that I was a lesbian and was worried that the judge’s ruling would prejudice against me. However, to our great relief, the judge ruled in my favor! 

No Child Support From Former Husband

Ella: A blessing indeed! At that hearing, the judge also ruled that Judy’s ex-husband must pay monthly child support. How much was that?

Judy: $200.

Ella: Only $200 for five children.

Full Custody Gave Mother Freedom to Take Children to Another State

Judy: When I got full custody, I could then take my children anywhere we wanted to move. 

Ella: So they all moved to California, joining me. Not one penny of the $200/monthly child support came from her ex-husband. Luckily, we both managed to find jobs and places to rent. It wasn’t easy, but we scraped by and eventually, we bought a house. The whole time, we worked together as a family. 

Blended Family Means Multiple Relationships

Oh, one important point, before Judy and the children moved here, I told several people about falling in love with her and that she had five children. One friend told me that since Judy had five children, I am not having a relationship with only one person but with six people altogether. That hit me hard. It is not right to focus on Judy alone and ignore the children. All the children were as important as Judy and need to be seen as a part of my relationship with Judy (Family picture showing Ella and Judy at top left, with four boys and one girl, all smiling). 

Without Adoption, Unrecognized Status as Nonbiological and Non-adoptive Mother

Judy and I shared finances and childcare, but problems existed because of my unrecognized status. Even though my insurance covered all of the children, to ensure they would be taken care of, I had no rights when it came to the children. For example (turns to Judy), do you want to share this incident?

Unable to Make Decision during Medical Emergency without Adoption

Judy: One time I flew to North Carolina for something job-related. That night I arrived, as I was getting ready for the first day of work, someone pressed the light flasher at the door. I opened the door and was told that there was an emergency at home. My son had an infected appendix, necessitating surgery, and I had to fly home before I could start my work there.

Ella: The reason for this was…even though my insurance covered that boy and along with the fact that he lived with me – when the hospital found out that I wasn’t his legal mother, they kicked me out. I explained to them that his mother was in NC for work for the weekend, but they just went “sorry” and made the boy wait for Judy’s appearance and permission before they could operate on him. I had no choice but to call her in North Carolina and tell her to fly back home. At that point, it was very clear that I had zero legal relationship to the children. 

Barriers to Adoption When Children Under 18 Years of Age

Judy: That’s what started us thinking about adoption. We did our homework, researched how adoption would work in our case, what would be expected of us, what our house would need to be like, what the requirements would be, and so on. We learned that it would be extremely expensive.

Ella: That’s right, because they were under 18 years of age, plus we were two women. Back in 1983, that was a big deal – although nowadays it can be challenging, it’s much easier – However, back then, it was much harder. So figuring out what would work best was a struggle. Also, since the children’s father was still alive, he could use his privileged status to block any adoption effort on our part. If Judy died, the children would go back to their father instead of staying with me. It was a complicated situation. But, out of the blue, things took a turn….what happened?

Death of Ex-Husband Makes Adoption Easier

Judy: My ex-husband died.

Ella: Our youngest was 12 at that time.

Judy: I was now free to marry again. I could share my children with Ella. She had been fully involved in raising my children and I felt it was not right to limit her. I wanted to share my children with her because I loved, respected and truly appreciated her hard work and the fact that she accepted the children as her own and took on the responsibility of caring for them. She deserved to be recognized as a good mother.

Adoption of Two Oldest Children

Ella: Two things: yes, it would mean the world to me to be recognized as the children’s legal mother…and also, there was the issue of what would happen if Judy died – where would the children go? Even though they had lived with us – with me – all those years, if Judy were to die, they would be taken away from me immediately and probably become wards of the state. That was a terrifying thought. However, adoption was expensive and there was great bias in the system. 

Importance of LGBT-Friendly Lawyer for Adoption Process

The year when our youngest was 12, the two oldest were 18 and 19, we found a good lawyer who was a lesbian herself and specialized in handling lesbian and gay adoptions, and met with her. She told us that adopting the two oldest children would be easy because they were adults, and could consent to the adoptions on their own. Adopting the younger children was more complicated because it would involve home study, transfers, and other things. 

When I asked the two older children if they wanted me to adopt them, they both responded with an enthusiastic “yes!”. It was a heartwarming moment. With the lawyer’s help, we filed for the adoptions and everything went smoothly. It was such a special and breathtaking feeling at the moment when the adoptions were finalized. We felt even more connected. For the younger three children, though, we decided to wait until our financial and home situation was better. However, after that, life went on, and lots of things happened throughout the years. We were very fortunate that nothing very serious happened though, and that we all stayed together. The adoption idea for the three younger children was put on the back burner.  

Adoption of Remaining Three Children

We became grandparents, and life went on…until our daughter developed some health issues and had to check about applying for social security benefits. She learned she could not get her father’s social security due to his debt. She wondered if she could apply under my social security. “That would be fine” I said, “Sure, we could look into that.” However, in order to do this, we needed proof that she was my daughter. That’s when we realized that we should revisit adopting the three younger children.

Judy: Yes, right. We discussed with the three older children –

3/3 Ella: – the three younger children.

Judy: They were all over 18 by then.

Ella: Oh, ok. 

Judy: … and they all said “why not?” to the adoption idea. So, we went ahead…and then what happened?

Through Adoption, A Fully Recognized and Legal Family at Last

Ella: We contacted that same lawyer who helped us with the two older children. To help us save money, she gave us tips on how to properly prepare forms to submit to the court. Everything worked out and a court date was scheduled. How many people came with us to court that day?

Judy: We had a full line-up of people – some grandchildren came, even our nephew, Tim. We all went to court, the whole family was there to celebrate, and even Ella’s mother went.

Ella: It was really nice and touching. The judge, who was a man, went through everyone’s names and other details, then asked each child if they agreed to the adoption. When our third child said “Yes, I do agree”, my heart melted. After that, our fourth and fifth children gave their consent. The judge turned to me and asked me if I wanted to adopt all of them and be their mother. I replied, “of course”. The judge pounded his gavel and proudly announced that the adoptions were finalized. Judy and I looked at each other, beaming. We were now a fully recognized and legal family, bound not only by love, but by law, too. That was a powerful feeling (picture of Ella standing in the courtroom with three adult children and judge, all smiling, with their arms around each other). The beaming judge said he thought we had a beautiful story, which meant a lot to us. It was nice to see people’s attitudes slowly changing throughout the years, from strong resistance and negativity to full acceptance and support.

First-Generation Deaf Lesbian Mothers

Judy: I think it’s important to note two things. First, when we moved here, we were pioneers. There were hardly any Deaf lesbians who had children in California. There were quite a few hearing lesbians with children, but no Deaf ones that we knew of that time. If we had problems and needed help, there was hardly anybody for us to turn to. It was tough and we felt alone – 

Ella: Our support system was quite nonexistent. 

Prior Experience with Stepmother Role Critical

Judy: – it was awful. Ella’s side of the family had a hard time accepting me. We suffered through it. Second, I think Ella was very lucky that I had experience being a stepmother to two children from my first marriage, the person who died. I took on raising my ex-husband’s two children and learned how to be a stepmother. Now, when Ella was one to my children, I knew how important it was to support her.

Ella: She was very good.

Co-Parenting as a Team

Judy: When there were conflicts with the children, it was hard, but it was important for us to stand strong together, and for the children to see me, their mother, in alliance with Ella. It was also important that we discussed any conflicts between the two of us in private – 

Ella: It wasn’t easy, but…

Judy: – discuss until we came to an agreement, then come out and talk with the children. The children always knew we worked together, always. That was an important lesson. 

Ella: Yes. That’s our story (picture of Ella and Judy in front, with all five adult children standing behind them, smiling, with orange leaves on the trees in background).

Video description: Judy (l) and Ella (r) are seated on a sofa with a few plants behind them. Both are wearing short-sleeved shirts, glasses, and signing their story.

Resources:

https://deafcounseling.com/adoption-a-deaf-adoptive-parent-kyms-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-adoption-unwanted-medical-advice-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-indian-adoption-maureens-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-transracial-and-trans-country-adoption/

https://awaa.org/blog/adopting-a-deaf-child-meet-levi/

The post Adoption Barriers Faced by Deaf Lesbians appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Advice for Prospective Adoptive Deaf Parents

Maureen shares her Deaf Indian adoption experience and offers two important pieces of advice for prospective adoptive parents.

Communication Access and Medical-Related Issues

Hi, I’m Maureen Behrens. I’d like to share my adoption story, focusing on communication access and medical-related issues. I adopted my daughter about 10 ½ years ago, through the Holt International Adoption Agency based in Oregon. When they told me that I had been matched with my daughter, I was elated and over the moon! My heart was pounding and so full of love at that moment. I was looking forward to it with much anticipation.

Lip-reading Instead of Sign Language

Through the adoption process, I worked closely with my social worker. The Indian agency was required to send me reports every three months, covering any issues related to medical, emotional, behavioral, social, and lipreading. The reports I received would indicate things such as weight gain, height, etc. I noticed that they always mentioned lipreading, so I asked my social worker to let them know that I wanted my daughter to learn to sign because otherwise, she would have no way to communicate with me when we met. She wouldn’t know how to tell me when she needed to go to the bathroom or if she needed a drink of water, for example. Because my speech skills are nonexistent, we’d be at loss for communication.

Foster Family Refused to Teach Sign Language

The foster family, however, refused my request and continued to teach lipreading/speech skills. I argued back and forth with them through my social worker for six months, until finally, with just one week remaining before we were to meet, we got lucky. My daughter was moved to another foster family who lived closer to the building where she could learn ASL. A woman named Ida Thomas – bless her heart – had learned ASL from a Canadian pastor who had gone to India and met her at church. It was our lucky break. Ida taught my daughter for one week, covering signs for colors, plane, chair and so on.

First Encounter Between Deaf Adoptive Parent and Deaf Indian Adopted Child

From the moment when my daughter arrived and we met each other for the very first time, we had an amazingly powerful and instant bond, connecting through our both being Deaf. Interestingly, the same social worker who had advocated on my behalf for my daughter to learn sign, was totally astonished and remarked that she had never before seen such a strong first connection between a parent and adoptive child. To my great appreciation and gratitude, we made a written agreement that from that point on, any Deaf child who was placed through that agency would learn to sign. After we flew home, my daughter continued to learn and pick up more ASL.

Medical Biases Toward Deaf Indian Child/Adoption

Secondly, related to medical issues, in one of the reports I received every three months prior to my daughter’s arrival, I had noticed in one picture that her eye looked a bit out of focus. I asked the social worker to share my concerns about my daughter’s eye, but was told by the Indian agency that everything was fine. In addition to this, the doctor had written that my daughter had “growth retardation”, which meant that she would not grow anymore. Upset, I asked the social worker what that meant, but was told it was nothing. Despite my protests, she continued to say it was nothing. To my relief, right after my daughter arrived, she had a big growth spurt. My instinct about her eye, however, was correct. After seeing a doctor and undergoing a series of tests at the California School for the Blind in Fremont, it was confirmed that she had low vision and a few other diagnoses.

Importance of Asking Questions and Trust Your Instincts

My advice to anyone who may be considering adopting in the future is be sure to ask plenty of questions. Trust your instincts and speak up if you feel something isn’t right or if you notice something. Don’t let the agency do everything without considering your input. When I mentioned my concern about communication access and stood my ground, I was eventually able to get my daughter access to signing, and the same thing was true with my concerns that were related to medical issues. Thank you for watching.

Video description: Maureen is sitting in front of a light-colored all, wearing a black top, and signing her story.

Resources:

https://deafcounseling.com/adoption-a-deaf-adoptive-parent-kyms-story/

https://adoption.org/know-adopting-deaf-child

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-adoption-unwanted-medical-advice-story/

The post Deaf Indian Adoption: Maureen’s Story appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Important Autism Lesson Mother Learned

Raising a son with autism: Tammy Jo, parent of a Deaf child with autism, shares a story about raising her son. Through this important lesson she learned, we can all benefit and increase our understanding of how to interact with children with autism.

Son Identifying his Autism: Hi, my name is Tammy Ellis. I would like to share with you about my son, Kane, who is Deaf and has autism. He was born it autism and while he was growing up, I learned a lot about autism, including what I needed to do and what I could do to make things better for my son. When he was 11 years old, he recognized that he was different than other children. He asked me why everyone kept away from him and why they talked about him. He had tried to make friends, but wasn’t successful. He felt hurt and wondered if something was wrong with him. He kept asking, “Why me? Why me?” He cried so hard about this when he was just 11 years old. I tried to comfort him by explaining that each one of us has something special about ourselves that makes us different from others, and that even applied to me. No matter how much I explained that no one was exactly the same, Kane was still crushed and devastated. 

Tie Rack as a Gift: I felt awful and didn’t know what to do. Finally, I went to the store and bought some things that I thought he might like. I gave him the gifts, which he opened and looked over. He was transfixed by one item in particular – a motorized revolving hanger for ties – because he loved fans, including ceiling fans and any type of fan that spun around. He loved watching fans and they had a meditative effect on him and seemed to meet a need of his. In addition to the revolving tie rack, I had also bought three new ties and hung them on the rack, where they were spinning around and he could choose which one he wanted to wear. I thought he could use it when getting ready for school, and maybe people would like his ties. 

Teaching Son How to Use YouTube: When I showed Kane a YouTube video that explained how to put on a tie and different techniques to use, he really liked it. YouTube is great and you can learn how to do anything on YouTube. Kane picked up the art of how to put on a tie with lots of hands-on practice, thanks to YouTube making it so easy. He put on his tie and went off to school, where many people approached him and gave him compliments about his tie. He even made friends.

Empowering Your Autistic Child: One day he came home and asked me to help him make posters. He had an idea to advertise a “Tie Day” at school, to encourage any men and boys at school to join him in wearing a tie. I thought this was a good idea, so I helped him with the posters, then checked with the school about the policy for hanging the posters. The school was supportive and explained where it was permitted to hang posters. We coordinated everything and the posters went up. 

Cooperation from School: Sure enough, on Wednesdays, many teachers, faculty and friends came together to wear ties! It was great! Even one man who worked in the cafeteria, who detested wearing ties, made a paper tie and hung it on the wall. When he saw Kane coming, he would quickly fasten the tie to his shirt, then hang it back up after he left. For those students who didn’t have ties, Kane would make arrangements to lend them ties. This really helped him make more friends, all of whom were supportive of each other. One day, the principal, who was a woman, decided to join in and wear a tie. When Kane saw her, he became upset and went to talk with a school counselor. After the counselor asked the principal not to wear the tie, Kane decided to make posters advertising Tuesdays as a day for women to wear ties, while men would wear them on Wednesdays. 

Graduation Day: The tie days went on for five years, until graduation day, when Kane thanked everyone for supporting him on tie days. After that, things went back to normal. Kane really appreciated the tie days. They gave him an opportunity to resolve problems and pursue something that was important to him, instead of me trying to fix things for him. This was a really special experience that taught me a lot about autism.

Video description: Tammy Jo is sitting and signing her story.

Deaf Counseling Center offers national Deaf therapy services. We provide both teletherapy (videophone and other internet-platforms) and in-office therapy to Deaf clients on a national basis. Contact us for more information.

http://www.deafcounseling.com

Resources:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/deaf-people-with-autism-1046724

http://www.raisingdeafkids.org/special/autism/

The post Autism: Deaf Mother’s Tie Story appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

As part of our Neurodiversity video series, Bobba shares from her heart about raising two children with autism.

Hello! I have two children with autism – one girl who is 29 and one boy who is almost 28, both of whom are complete opposites. My daughter is easily overstimulated and has seizures, while my son is very under stimulated. It was a challenge when they were growing up, because they experienced some developmental delays and had such different skills. Back then, the schools did not offer much helpful support for students with autism and we were winging it. What helped was having wonderful support from family, friends, our church, teachers, even counselors. Positive support and encouragement are so important in the learning process. It is not an easy journey. You have your autistic children for life. While other children grow up and leave home to get married and such, with autistic children, you are concerned about guardianship and conservatorship, as well as trying to find a place where they will be happy to live. It’s a huge challenge, but I love them. They are God’s gift. Thank you.

Video description: Bobba is standing in front of a white background, signing her story.

Deaf Counseling Center offers national Deaf therapy services. DCC is an ASL-friendly counseling resource, offering both in-person and videophone/online/internet-based services.

Resources:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/deaf-people-with-autism-1046724

https://deafcounseling.com/recommended-films/ Gerald (2009) by Mark Wood

The post Deaf Parent Raising Children with Autism appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Sharon Duchesneau: Many of us parents have experienced trying to tell our children “no”, only to be met with arguing, giving us a hard time or refusing to accept our decision. How do you teach children that “no” means “no”?

Consistency is Important

The most important thing is being consistent and sticking to what you said. When parents are inconsistent, children learn not to take them seriously and sometimes even become confused. When parents are consistent, it is easy to teach children that “no” means “no”.

Three Reasons Why Being Consistent is Hard

There are three main reasons why parents find it hard to be consistent. First, they may be busy and not paying attention to what their children are doing. For example, suppose the rule is the TV must be off at 8 pm every night. If the parents are busy, they may not realize until 8:30 pm that the children are still watching TV and need to be sent to get ready for bed. Then if the next time, it is 9 pm by the time they notice, the children learn that the 8 pm TV-off rule means nothing. If the parents are consistent and pay attention to the time, their children will learn that the rule does mean something.

Second, sometimes parents are not in the mood to deal with the consequences of saying “no”. Suppose they have gone out to a basketball game, having warned the children beforehand that they would not be buying candy tonight. The children may have agreed, but once they arrived, started asking for money for candy. When their parents reminded them of the agreement, the children’s arguing back causes the parents to become self-conscious in public. Because they are embarrassed, they end up giving the children money. The children learn that it is worth arguing with their parents in public and that their parents’ “no” does not really mean “no”. It is important that parents stick to their word, even if they are out in public and people are watching.

Third, sometimes…suppose the children are running around at the movies and won’t sit quietly. The parents might tell them that they will go home if they are not quiet, but in reality, not really mean it. When nothing happens after the second, third, fourth or fifth warning to sit down, the children learn that the parents’ threats are meaningless and there is no consequence for their behavior.

3 F’s

As those three examples show, being consistent is essential. It is easy to do this by remembering the three “F’s”: “F” for fair, “F” for “firm”, and “F” for friendly. “Fair” means making sure your reason for saying “no” or for setting up a rule is fair. “No TV for one year” as a consequence is not really fair since watching TV is common practice, A one-week suspension of watching TV is fair though, if it is explained clearly. “Firm” means being consistent. You don’t need to waste time discussing, negotiating, explaining or defending yourself. Just be firm and say “no”. “Friendly” means that when you say “no”, you don’t need to be angry or lose your temper. When you are angry, you end up teaching your children through fear. Be friendly.

I know there are many different situations and it is not always easy to be consistent with saying “no”, especially when children have different needs. If you have any questions or if you would like to discuss ideas for how to deal with saying “no”, feel free to contact us here at Deaf Counseling Center.

References

https://www.childhelp.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Childhelp-3-Fs-of-Parenting-1.pdf

The post How to Say No to Your Children appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Sheli Barber: So many of us share the common experience of cultural and language deprivation, audism and identity trauma. This all begins in the hospital. On the day we were born, our parents held us and looked at us with loving gazes. Then the doctor entered the room and announced, “I am sorry, your baby is Deaf.”

A referral to the audiologist followed. The audiologist conducted a test and confirmed, “Yes, your baby is definitely Deaf. I am sorry.” Next was the referral to the cochlear implant surgeon, who said, “Yes, your baby is Deaf. To ensure the best chance in this world for a normal life, I strongly recommend a cochlear implant or a hearing aid. I recommend using speech and simultaneous communication. I recommend your child is mainstreamed with other Deaf students, or alone. Your child needs to interact with hearing peers and hearing family members. Then your child will grow up to be normal.”

The parents believe the doctor knows what is best, so they place the child in a hearing school. The child is wearing tiny new hearing aids or implants, which many of us disliked and insisted on removing. We dreaded and rebelled against having to go to endless and pointless speech therapy sessions. We received praise at school only if we succeeded in passing and behaving exactly like hearing people. If we behaved like we were Deaf, we were criticized harshly. As Deaf children, we learned that it was better to act like we were hearing and do our best to fit into that world. We struggled many times in different social situations, outdoor recess, lunchtime, in classrooms, with our families, at Thanksgiving. We always felt left out and uncomfortable.

It was not until we became adults, that we were finally exposed for the first time to the Deaf community, ASL and Deaf culture, perhaps through college, or the community or work. We were thrilled and excited to meet other Deaf people and finally discover our identity. At the same time, we experienced feelings of resentment about all the years of audism we had experienced.

Many of us went to counseling to unpack the effects of audism, to reclaim and heal ourselves, so we could feel whole again as Deaf adults. Now, with Early Healthy Deaf Identity, we can transform the process by which medical providers approach parents at the hospital. We should celebrate the life of each child. Remember that moment when parents are holding their newborn for the first time? The doctor should come in and say, “Congratulations! Your child is healthy and Deaf! Here are all the information and resources that will help your child grow up to lead a very healthy life as a Deaf person.”

Please know that for more information, you can contact Deaf Counseling Center: www.deafcounseling.com.

The post Early Healthy Deaf Identity vs. Early Hearing Detection & Intervention appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Follow House/School Rules: 1. Does your child follow rules at home and school? At home, for instance, does your child keep things clean? If your child goes out, does the child come back home on time? At home, for instance, does your child keep things clean? If your child goes out, does the child come back home on time? Is your child cooperative about bedtime or do you have to issue constant reminders? Related to school, does your child finish all homework or put it off? If given a phone, will your child put it away during class? Or will your child be texting under the desk or bothering others? If your child is prone to bullying others, will having a phone make that behavior worse? If so, it may not be a good idea to give the child a phone.

Good Responsibility and Judgment: 2. The second factor is good responsibility and judgment. Is your child responsible about taking care of things like backpack, clothing and homework? Or does your child constantly lose things? In that case, you might think twice about giving the child a phone, which is an expensive item. Having a phone means having the ability to download apps. Will your child understand this responsibility or run up a big bill, making you end up broke? Some phone contracts have limited minutes. Can your child adhere to the limits or will they be ignored and you will get a big bill?

Ability to Understand Money: 3. The third factor is money. Does your child understand the costs involved with having a phone and what is involved with a two-year contract? If your child has no concept of money, then more likely, the child is probably not ready for a phone.

Now that we have discussed what to consider about your children, let’s look at what parents should consider. If you are barely getting by with money, making a loan or charging a credit card in order to buy a phone for your child is probably not setting the best example.

Teach Delay Gratification: If you can’t afford a phone, you can discuss this with your child and maybe make plans to save up for one. This will teach your child the concept of delayed gratification, which is an important lesson to teach. Sometimes children feel like they are the only one of their group of friends who doesn’t have a phone. If you can’t afford a phone, you can focus on teaching your child that it is okay to be different, that every family has different needs, money, income, and values. Not having a phone does not mean your child can’t keep in touch with friends or use the internet. There are other ways to do this.

Other Special Reasons for Phone: Sometimes parents might have special reasons they want to give children a phone. If the parents are divorced and the children go back and forth between two homes, one parent may feel it is important to be able to communicate with the child when not with that parent.

Another instance is if the child stays after school for activities like plays or sports, and the parent is not sure when it will be finished, a phone allows communication with parents for when to pick up. If you are going to give a child a phone for that main reason, do so only if the child is mature enough and can handle it.

Another situation is when parents want children who are at home alone to be able to reach them in case of problems or an emergency. Suppose you consider all of the factors we have discussed, give them a lot of thought, and decide that your child is not ready to be given a phone. Then, upon telling your child this, if you are met with constant arguing, begging and pestering, how do you deal with this? That will be addressed in our next vlog.

You can follow Deaf Counseling Center on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and Twitter. Keep an eye out to see when the next video is ready.

References:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/cell-phone-parenting/whats-the-right-age-for-parents-to-get-their-kids-a-cell-phone

http://www.sheknows.com/living/quizzes/complete/is-your-child-ready-for-a-cell-phone

The post What is the Right Age for a Cell Phone? appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Electronic Means of Interpretation: The bill gets it very wrong on several other counts, however. First, it specifies that the interpretation can be done via electronic means. This could mean video remote interpreting (VRI), which would involve the Deaf child watching and talking to an interpreter who is not present in the room, but working from another location and visible on a computer screen. This is not appropriate. An abuse investigation is highly stressful for the child, has legal ramifications, and requires a live interpreter in the room who is able to communicate with the child at the child’s level, mentally and physically. Even worse than VRI, the bill’s mention of an electronic medium of interpretation could mean typed English. No Deaf child undergoing an abuse investigation should be expected to communicate in a second language, period.

Certified AND Qualified Interpreters: Third, the bill notes that the interpreting may be done using an interpreter who is “trained” in ASL. It states that the interpreter may be a volunteer. No on both counts. Any interpreter working in this type of situation must be a certified professional interpreter, preferably one who has both legal and mental health training. Certification alone, however, is not enough. There must be oversight and validation of the interpreter’s credentials and qualifications by Deaf professionals and community members. It is unethical to leave the determination of who is qualified to interpret up to an individual or agency with no professional credibility in this area. Ideally, a Certified Deaf Interpreter (CDI) will be available as well, to facilitate communication. The best person to understand and communicate with a Deaf child in this situation is often another Deaf person whose first language is ASL and who understands the nuances of children’s signing. An even more ideal solution is to hire Deaf investigators and social workers who can work directly with the Deaf child, reducing the need for interpreters and the complications involved.

Compounding Trauma: As mental health professionals, we cannot condone the Tennessee bill. It needs to be rewritten, with more precise language specifying requirements for certified interpreters and CDIs in cases involving Deaf children and suspected domestic abuse or child abuse. More attention needs to be paid to behind-the-scenes moves of companies such as sComm, which sells the UbiDuo2, a device for typed communication. sComm may be promoting self-interest in advocating for passage of this bill. If the bill passes, Deaf children stand to experience additional trauma as a result of inadequate interpreting access, on top of any trauma they may have already experienced. The system must protect Deaf children, not set them up for additional emotional and mental abuse.

Related articles:

Doing More Harm than Good by Trudy Suggs

Open Letter to Jason Curry, sComm CEO by Trudy Suggs

Bill allows volunteer interpreters for deaf in abuse allegations by The Tennessean

Tennessee General Assembly SB0594 and HB0672

The post Abused Deaf Children Need Certified Interpreters appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

celebrating April as Child Abuse Prevention Month

Child Abuse and Neglect – Prevention & Perspectives from the Deaf Community

Friday, April 27, 2012

1:00pm – 4:30pm

Healy Hall Auditorium

Presentations will include:

1:00 – 2:30 “The Deaf Perspective: Raising the Bar for Sexual Abuse Prevention” by Shannon Reese, MA, NCC, Deaf Services Coordinator from the Alabama Department of Mental Health – Office of Deaf Services. Shannon is a Deaf professional with extensive professional experience in the area of child abuse and neglect. She will share professional perspectives on prevention and the impact of child abuse and neglect for children who are deaf or hard of hearing.

2:45 – 4:00 “Breaking the Silence” by Joyce Allan, R.N., a registered nurse and psychiatric clinical nurse specialist with 40 years of experience working with children, adolescents and adults. Joyce is also a child of Deaf adults (CODA) who will tell her empowering story as a survivor of sexual abuse, including the powerful positive impact of the Deaf community on her personal journey. Joyce shares her experiences in honor of her mother, Marjorie Forehand, who attended the Virginia School for the Deaf and the Blind.

4:00 – 4:30 “The VSDB Child Assault Prevention (CAP) Project” by the VSDB CAP Team. The VSDB CAP Team will share information about the primary prevention program available for elementary and middle school students who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing in Virginia public schools. The CAP curriculum was developed by the International Center for Assault Prevention (ICAP). Information about requesting this program for specific public school or community-sponsored programs will be shared.

The post Child Assault Prevention Project for Deaf Children appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Mia Orr, Consultant
Senate Health Committee
State Capitol, Room 2191
Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear Honorable Senate Health Committee Members:

Alternative Solutions Center, a Deaf-owned and operated private psychotherapy practice, OPPOSES Assembly Bill 2072 (AB 2072).

AB 2072 hurts Deaf children and adults by ignoring all the research and testimonials that show just how critical American Sign Language is for healthy intellectual, emotional, and social development and well-being. As psychotherapists who work on a daily basis with Deaf people who were deprived of American Sign Language as children, we can tell you that this is one of the most painful and inhumane experiences anyone could have. The failure to give Deaf children the opportunity to converse and learn in their natural, visual language is a form of communication abuse.

Vote NO on AB 2072.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Candace A. McCullough, PhD
Sharon M. Duchesneau, LCPC

Alternative Solutions Center
www.ascdeaf.com

The post Letter in Opposition to California AB 2072 appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.