Korean-American Deaf Adoptee Shares Her Story

Kami tells her story as a Korean-American Deaf adoptee, recounting the touching moment her mother identified her out of a group of newly arrived babies. She also covers a few other adoption-related issues.

Each Adoption Experience is Different

Hi, my name is Kami and I’m a Korean-American Deaf adoptee. I was asked to share about my adoption experience. Every adoption experience is different – some are good, some are bad, some adoptees want to return to their home country. I’m blessed to have a wonderful family and great parents. I also have a sister – both of us were adopted from Korea, but we are not biologically related.

Korea Didn’t Allow Deaf Parents to Adopt

Going back to how all of this started, my parents had wanted to adopt a baby for a long time. After they connected with Catholic Charities, they saw my name and picture on a flyer. At that time, my name was Hye-Mee Park, which the Korean orphanage had given to me. Once my parents let the adoption agency know they were interested in me, the adoption process started. This involved a social worker visiting their home to make sure it was a suitable and good home, then interviewing my parents. Everything went well and they were approved. Next, more tests were run to confirm that I was Deaf, because at that time Korea didn’t allow Deaf parents to adopt hearing babies. They held the view that Deaf parents couldn’t raise hearing babies, which is obviously not true.

Korean-American Deaf Adoptee Was Mistaken for a Hearing Child

On the day of the test, I was 10 months old. It happened that I looked in the direction of a phone that rang at the same time, which caused everyone to think they had been mistaken and I was actually hearing. Remember, the technology for testing hearing was not as advanced back then. My parents were heartbroken when the agency informed them that they probably couldn’t adopt me. To their great relief, however, more tests were run and it was confirmed that I was Deaf after all. Interestingly, a blood test that I took years later showed that I carry the Connexin 26 gene, which is a Deaf gene. This means that one of my biological relatives is Deaf or carries the Deaf gene.

First Encounter with Adoptive Deaf Parents in Chicago

Anyway, on the day I flew to Chicago, my parents also flew there to meet me. Only one of them was allowed to go into the airplane, so my mother went in. She saw all the babies sitting in the airplane and tried to figure out which one was me. Her instincts told her that one particular baby must be me, because out of all the crying and distracted babies, I was the only one sitting there quietly. When she checked the name on my wristband, she discovered that she was right!

Korean Diet and US Citizenship

My parents brought me home and fed me a Korean diet for a while, so as not to upset my stomach by introducing different foods too soon. Some of the food I was fed included strawberries with rice and soy milk. When I was three years old, I became an American citizen. My parents paid $50 for this, while today it costs $700-800 to become a US citizen. Since I was too young to take the citizenship test in court, the judge asked my mother the questions instead. She answered them easily because she used to be a social studies teacher. There were questions like “Who was the first U.S. president?”, so of course, my mother aced the test, and I was pronounced a U.S. citizen.

Bullying Experience as Korean-American Deaf Person

After this, I started my education at a Deaf school. This was a tough experience for me. Back then, most of the teachers hadn’t received the right training or been given the resources to teach children. Most of my peers and teachers and staff at the school were white. My peers would make racist slant-eyed gestures and call me stupid. That was when I was between 5 –  9 years old. Of course, I would arrive home from school crying. I wondered why it was wrong to be different. I even wanted to become white and didn’t understand why I had to be born Korean. Now, in contrast, I love being Korean and my identity is strong. People are much more accepting of diversity and we have more diverse people today. Teachers have better training on how to work with children and the curriculum and resources are improved. Times are different now.

Deaf Parents Open about Adoption

While I was growing up, my parents were always very open about my adoption experience. They explained everything to me and showed me the forms that my birth mother filled out for the orphanage. Both of my parents’ full names were on them, their ages, and the reason I was given me up for adoption. My mother was 20 and my father was 21 at the time My father was 5’ 10” tall, while my mother was only 4’ 8” tall. I’m 5’4” tall, right in the middle. Both had ended their relationship before they knew my mother was pregnant. Because they felt they were too young to become parents and raise a child, and Korean culture looked down upon single mothers, they decided to give me up for adoption. It has been a blessing for me to live here in the U.S. While it would be nice to meet my birth parents one day, this isn’t something that I have an extremely strong desire to do. I’m very content with my life right now.

Politically Incorrect Signs for China, Korea, and Japan

I’d like to share a few things that I seem to run into quite often. I often see some of my friends and other people still signing “China” like this (shows two index fingers pointing to outside of eyes; two C-hands on either side of eyes), “Korea” (shows two K-hands on either side of eyes), “Japan” (shows two J-hands on either side of eyes, shakes head “no”). This is pretty offensive. Use signs such as “China” (shows index finger moving across chest and down), “Korea” (shows bent B-hand touching top and bottom of side of head), and “Japan” (shows open and closed index fingers and thumbs moving away from each other). Don’t use the old signs.

Korean-American Deaf Adoptee asked Inappropriate Questions

Second, I get this question often: People ask me, “Where were you born?” or “Are you from far away?” They assume I’m a foreigner. Some Korean people are born in the U.S. and are Americans. Not all are born in Korea.  White people don’t ask other white people where they were born. It’s important to think about how you frame your question.

Another question I get often is from straight people who are curious about gay couples having children. They ask, “How do you plan to have children?” or “Will you use IVF or IUI?”. That’s a personal question. Some gay couples feel comfortable and open about sharing this type of information. It’s okay if a close friend asks me, but it’s a different story if someone who isn’t a close friend asks. Most people wouldn’t ask a straight couple how they plan to have children or if they would use IVF/IUI. There are so many different ways to make babies. Straight couples do use IVF/IUI, but they don’t get asked that same question. Again, be conscious about how you frame that question.

Third, people often ask me if I’m from North or South Korea. If I had been born in North Korea, I would be stuck there because no one can leave unless they sneak out. If they are caught, they will be sent off to a forced labor camp. It’s really a blessing to live here. Thank you for watching!

Video description: Kami is sitting on a white sofa with a blanket over the back, and wooden shelves and a window behind her. She is wearing a black top and signing her story.

Resources:

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-hispanic-adoptee-treeans-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-adoptee-shares-her-experience/

https://adoptionnetwork.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-an-adoptee

The post Korean-American Deaf Adoptee: Kami’s Story appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Deaf Transracial and Trans-country Adoption

Edna shares her family’s experience with Deaf transracial and trans-country adoption.

Deaf transracial and trans-country adoption: Hello everyone, I’m Edna Johnston. My topic is adoption. I have four children, all of whom I adopted, including one who was conceived and born with my wife of 16 ½ years. I think adoption is a beautiful concept and the perfect solution for straight people’s mistakes. Since gay people don’t procreate – well, now they can have babies with their own DNA, but couples can’t both pass on their DNA together (video screen moves, “stop, I’m filming” – “that’s my kid”, fixes screen). Adoption is an awesome win-win – we can have children and children who need families get them. I did choose to have Deaf children and my wife, who is hearing, agreed. Things changed later though, and we ended up with two Deaf and two hearing children – two girls and two boys. It’s really nice that I wanted Deaf kids and I got what I wanted.

Do’s and Don’ts – Adoption Questions

Anyway, I think people are more open and curious about adoption today and view it positively. There are, however, still some “Do’s” and “Don’ts” when it comes to adoption. I notice that people often want to know how the adoption process works. I don’t mind sharing that information. What’s important is the intent behind the question. People ask if it is expensive, how we could afford it, why we picked this country to adopt from – this last one is probably because there are not many countries to adopt from that have Deaf children, and it’s usually the same few countries people adopt Deaf children from, so I can understand the question. Often when people ask why we chose a certain country, it’s because our children are Black. This is called transracial adoption, or adoption across race. My wife and I are white, while our children are a different race – Black – and they are also from another country, which is called transnational adoption, although I rarely use that word. I usually say transracial.

Deaf Transracial and Trans-Country Adoption – White Parents and White Privileges

I have learned so much about my children’s country through celebrating their food, culture, clothing, values, and through meeting people in the community, including Deaf people from their native country. It has been an incredibly rich experience. I have also learned a lot about myself as a white person and my white privilege. For example, I have my Deaf lens, which means as a Deaf person, I expect hearing parents to learn how to sign if they have children, no exception. If you have Deaf children, you must celebrate Deaf culture, community, values, art, history and so on. In the same way, I also have another lens as an adoptive parent. I believe that I should celebrate and acknowledge my children’s heritage in a similar way.

Reciprocal Relationship with the Black Deaf Community

There are some needs that I cannot meet as a white mom. For example, braiding hair is something that I am just not good at, so I share this activity with the Black Deaf community. It’s not a threat to me as a parent at all. The more open I am with the community, the more my kids benefit. It’s like teamwork, a reciprocal relationship. It’s similar to how in the Deaf community, Deaf and hearing parents collaborate for the children’s best interest. That’s a beautiful side of adoption.

Transracial and Trans-Country Deaf Adopted Children as Strong Beings

I have the utmost respect for children who are adopted from any other country. They are survivors, strong beings, transplants from other countries who moved here and had to learn everything about a new country, a new language – both a complex written language and sign language – new everything, including new people, new demographics that are completely different from their native country, new families. They have to learn to trust, to deal with trauma from their past, to handle people who say bad things about their being adopted, and on and on. I think they are some of the strongest people on earth.

No Need to Call Children “Adopted Children”

I ask that you own up to it when you say something by mistake. For example, someone came up to me and said, “I met your adopted kids”. My response is, “They are my children and I don’t call them my ADOPTED children – they are my kids, period.” I’m like a mama bear – if anything threatens my children, I will protect them because they are my kids. I don’t see them as my “Black kids” or my “adopted kids” or my “African kids” – they are MY kids and that’s it. This isn’t to say that I am colorblind, of course. They are my kids and carry our names. So own it if you slip up and say something that might be racist. Just check – it’s okay. Everyone is human. Own it. “How much did the adoptions cost?” is a question I detest. So is profiling, or assuming that all children who are adopted from other countries have language delays, special needs, or aren’t really Deaf but are autistic or something like that. The stigma is real.

Don’t Put So Much Importance on DNA and Genes

It’s important not to place so much importance on DNA and genes. DNA does not always guarantee that a family is close. Some families are so dysfunctional and not close at all. I’m close to my kids even though we don’t share DNA. I feel there is way too much emphasis on DNA. For example, some school activities ask students to bring in baby pictures, which doesn’t show much sensitivity to adopted children who may not have any baby pictures of themselves. It’s important to be sensitive. Overall, adoption has been a good experience. I hope you might consider adoption one day, or be open to the idea of having your own children and adopting, too, or even be less fixated on the importance of DNA and continuing your bloodline. There are so many different ways to have a family. Many thanks!

Resources:

https://deafcounseling.com/adoption-a-deaf-adoptive-parent-kyms-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-adoption-unwanted-medical-advice-story/

https://deafcounseling.com/deaf-indian-adoption-maureens-story/

https://adoption.org/know-adopting-deaf-child

The post Deaf Transracial and Trans-Country Adoption appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

June 12 is Loving Day in the USA. This day celebrates the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia. Interracial marriages were banned in Virginia and other 15 states in 1924. A Deaf woman, Debbie Colbert, shares her story about being in interracial relationships and how she dealt with people’s opinions.

Video transcript provided by Debbie Colbert: Debbie Colbert is signing. She is white, has long, dirty blonde hair and is wearing a teal V-neck t-shirt, with ILY symbol on the left side. She is sitting on a white leather sofa and the background is royal blue. She is also wearing various colors of beads bracelets on her left arm as well as a necklace with a heart-shaped rose quartz.

“Right now is the month of June. Loving Day is on the 12th of this month. I feel I the need to share my experience of being in the closet and being oppressed when I experienced acts of racism. I will explain several situations briefly here.

First of all, when I was living at a residential school for the deaf, I dated a guy and we both were not the same race. As we had been dating, several boys informed me that the guy I was dating got picked on by some boys, even though he was athletic; not the best, but he played well in some sports such as football, basketball, and was on the track team. But he was picked on by some boys because of us dating. Then one day I saw the boys gang up and pick on him. I just stood there and saw the whole thing. I confronted him about it. He brushed it off and said it didn’t bother him and he was okay. I didn’t feel right about it, so I ended our relationship. That was it. My parents were not aware that I dated that guy.

Years went by, I enrolled in Gallaudet University as a student. I started dating a guy and we both were not of the same race. Then, in the spring, my parents decided to come and visit me all the way from Illinois to Washington, DC. That was about a 12-hour drive. You know, in Gallaudet University’s dorm life, other students can come and visit also stay in your room. I was worried about that, so I told my former boyfriend, who wasn’t the same color as me, that my parents were coming and he needed to stay away from me. He was surprised by my decision that he needed to stay away because I didn’t want to upset my parents who drove all the way from Illinois to visit me. He didn’t complain, but accepted my suggestion out of his love for me. When he was around, I saw him and I became very nervous, so badly that I wanted to hide myself. My parents kept asking me if I had a boyfriend. I told them no because I had no interest in dating as of yet. After my parents left, he and I were back together and everything went back to normal.

On my parents’ second visit, I told my ex-boyfriend that he needed to avoid me again. He expressed his frustration because he felt that I was rejecting him. I was surprised at his reaction because I thought he would understand about my being in the closet about dating someone outside of my race. He insisted that if I really loved him, I would introduce him to my parents, but I was not ready to come out of my closet. During my parents’ visit, he became more bold. He would approach my parents and tell them that he liked me and we were in the same class, which was not true. He was an employee during that time. I immediately said bad things about him to my parents after he left. That he was goofy and dumb. Now I looked back and think to myself that I let fear get the best of me.

The third time around of my parents’ visiting me, I told him not to be around me again. This time, he became furious and we argued about my being selfish and being in the closet when it was time for me to get out, but I was still not ready. My parents and I went to the Abbey. It was once called Rathskeller, then it changed to the Abbey, but over time, it changed back to Rathskeller. I was busy having fun with my parents. All of sudden, I saw him with a lady whom I had seen around on campus. He was flirting with her. I was upset. My mom noticed and asked me if I was alright. I told her yes. Then, the next day, I went up to him and asked him why he did that. He pressured me to introduce him to my family, so I did. I told my mom that I was dating him, but it was nothing serious, and I kept on making some excuses like he was no one special and he was just someone to hang out with and have fun.

My mom was concerned about my dating someone who is not the same race as me. She told me to think about my future, like I might encounter oppression, some friends would not want to be friends with me, and my job. She was focused on my future. Meanwhile, my dad said nothing, as usual. He followed whatever my mom said. My mom lived like a queen when I was growing up.

On Thanksgiving, in between my parents’ first and second visits, I was with my family visiting my grandparents for Thanksgiving dinner. My grandmother boldly told everyone at the table that she was told I was dating a black guy and that he made me become a wild woman. My stomach turned upside down and I froze because I didn’t know how to react. But my step-grandfather, who was the only grandfather I knew growing up, immediately told my grandmother off by saying if you heard those rumors, please make it go in one ear and out the other ear. He proceeded to eat, so we all ate.

Many years later, I met my husband. We both decided not to have a wedding because I felt that no one would want to come to my wedding since he is hearing and I am deaf and we were an interracial couple. I didn’t think people wanted to come and witness us. My husband agreed, so we got married at the Justice of Peace and I was pregnant at that time. My friend asked if my parents knew I got married and was expecting a baby. I told her no, but she kept on asking me, which made me feel uneasy. So I told her that I would let the rumor reach my parents. 

My mom found out through the grapevine, so she contacted me via TTY asking me if I was married and pregnant. I told her yes, but I was very vague about being married. In a few months, my parents informed me that they were moving from Illinois to Pennsylvania. I was not too thrilled because it knew it was time for me to get out of the closet. But then I thought to myself, maybe my baby would change my parents’ hearts about me being married to a black man and having a biracial baby. 

On that very night of my parents moving, my mom saw my beautiful baby girl. She informed me that family members would come to see us, too. Then family members came. They were upset to see me with my biracial baby, so my mom went out to try convince them to come in, but they refused because of me and my baby. They were arguing about me being with a black man and having a biracial baby. I stood there and watched them arguing from the window. I saw the whole conversation and it was very hurtful to watch because they didn’t realize that I’m my mom’s firstborn child. My parents had been trying for two years to conceive a child and finally had me. My parents were so proud to have me as their firstborn child and those family members tried to turn my mom against me. I was very hurt when I watched them talking about me. 

When my mom came back in the house, she had tears rolling down her face. I decided not to talk about it. She told me she felt bad about the whole thing and I told her to forget about it. I didn’t even tell my mom that I had seen the whole conversation between her and my family members. Still today, I’ve never told those family members that I saw their conversation with my mom. I simply put it in a can and canned it tightly because it was too ugly to talk about. My mom loved my husband and always asked for him. When she saw him, she always waved at him and chatted with him. My husband, Derik, liked my mom as well. They tended to chat with each other. My mom passed on 8 years ago, so that’s the end of the story. I am going to share some other stories about my peers and the deaf community.

Alright! Here is my other story: When I was a student at Gallaudet University, I was dating the same boy for a while. I remember how he used to stop by in the hallway, trying to get my attention while I was in my class, just to say hi to me or tell me to come out of class to steal a kiss from me. One day he was hiding something in the back and told me to come out. So I did…He handed me a bag and told me to take a look inside the bag. I was surprised to see a nice Seiko watch in a box. Seiko wristwatches were so popular back in 1980. I asked him why, because it was not Christmas, since it was Spring and my birthday was not until Fall. He said he got the wristwatch just because he loved me. He put it on my left wrist. I was so proud. I had to run back to my class and he had to go back to work. As soon as I sat on my chair, my friend asked me what’s up. I told her that I got a nice wristwatch. My friend, who is a person of color herself, immediately told me that black people always buy wristwatches from drug dealers because they made fake wristwatches. So my wristwatch was not a real Seiko but a fake one. I showed my friend the bag and a box with the department store on it, but she said he pretended that he had bought it from a store. I thought to myself, wow it’s really sad that people don’t like people from different races, but again I was confused because she is also a person of color. I was hurt by that, and I decided not to tell him what my friend had said. Ever since I was dating him, I can see people’s attitudes toward me were not the same. I had to be extra careful because I can be easily removed from them. I felt oppressed by that on a daily basis. I had some women talking to me about why I was dating a black man. They told me they would rather it was someone like Billy Dee Williams, who was a famous singer a long time ago. They would rather someone like him than my ex boyfriend who had very black hair. Billy Dee Williams’ hair was very soft and looked almost like white people’s hair. They were telling me many things about why they would not date black men…I felt oppressed. It was hard because people treated me differently ever since I dated my ex-boyfriend. I went through a lot and it was nothing but peer pressure. I plan to write a book about it one day soon.

My experience in a deaf community: Years and years later, I got married and have biracial children. A woman came up to me informing me that her daughter is dating a black man. I was surprised by that, because it was out of the blue that she came to me and informed me. I thought to myself, can she see that I’m married to a black man and have a biracial child with me. It was just my daughter at that time. She blurted out to me, saying that she would rather that her daughter was a lesbian than dating a black man. I was tempted to say, “What if your daughter was going with a black lesbian?” but instead, I said to her that maybe it was because her daughter had fallen in love with him, which was her decision. She said no, then she showed me her arm and pointed at her arm. I was not sure what she meant by that, but I had to be careful because my daughter was with me and I thought about my husband, so I decided to say nothing more. So I am always careful with people around me like her. I’ve encountered so many acts of racism in my life. Now, I’m telling you from my life experience up to now. I’m so glad I live for myself and stay with who I am. I married my husband, Derik, and we have two beautiful children. My family is one of a kind and I am truly blessed to have them. I can’t worry about what people are thinking and what their opinions are. If people don’t look at me as a person but negatively focus on what I have, I keep myself away from them. But as for people who look at me as a person, Debbie, and accept what I have, that’s who I want to be around. I’ve learned to be very selective about people, for my protection, after the acts of racism I’ve experienced with some people. That goes the same with my job, because people forget that I’m married to a black man and have biracial children and they slip and demonstrate their acts of racism. So I am always careful around those people.

Alright! Here is my other story: When I was a student at Gallaudet University, I was dating the same boy for a while. I remember how he used to stop by in the hallway, trying to get my attention while I was in my class, just to say hi to me or tell me to come out of class to steal a kiss from me. One day he was hiding something in the back and told me to come out. So I did…He handed me a bag and told me to take a look inside the bag. I was surprised to see a nice Seiko watch in a box. Seiko wristwatches were so popular back in 1980. I asked him why, because it was not Christmas, since it was Spring and my birthday was not until Fall. He said he got the wristwatch just because he loved me. He put it on my left wrist. I was so proud. I had to run back to my class and he had to go back to work. As soon as I sat on my chair, my friend asked me what’s up. I told her that I got a nice wristwatch. My friend, who is a person of color herself, immediately told me that black people always buy wristwatches from drug dealers because they made fake wristwatches. So my wristwatch was not a real Seiko but a fake one. I showed my friend the bag and a box with the department store on it, but she said he pretended that he had bought it from a store. I thought to myself, wow it’s really sad that people don’t like people from different races, but again I was confused because she is also a person of color. I was hurt by that, and I decided not to tell him what my friend had said. Ever since I was dating him, I can see people’s attitudes toward me were not the same. I had to be extra careful because I can be easily removed from them. I felt oppressed by that on a daily basis. I had some women talking to me about why I was dating a black man. They told me they would rather it was someone like Billy Dee Williams, who was a famous singer a long time ago. They would rather someone like him than my ex boyfriend who had very black hair. Billy Dee Williams’ hair was very soft and looked almost like white people’s hair. They were telling me many things about why they would not date black men…I felt oppressed. It was hard because people treated me differently ever since I dated my ex-boyfriend. I went through a lot and it was nothing but peer pressure. I plan to write a book about it one day soon.

My experience in a deaf community: Years and years later, I got married and have biracial children. A woman came up to me informing me that her daughter is dating a black man. I was surprised by that, because it was out of the blue that she came to me and informed me. I thought to myself, can she see that I’m married to a black man and have a biracial child with me. It was just my daughter at that time. She blurted out to me, saying that she would rather that her daughter was a lesbian than dating a black man. I was tempted to say, “What if your daughter was going with a black lesbian?” but instead,  I said to her that maybe it was because her daughter had fallen in love with him, which was her decision. She said no, then she showed me her arm and pointed at her arm. I was not sure what she meant by that, but I had to be careful because my daughter was with me and I thought about my husband, so I decided to say nothing more. So I am always careful with people around me like her. I’ve encountered so many acts of racism in my life. Now, I’m telling you from my life experience up to now. I’m so glad I live for myself and stay with who I am. I married my husband, Derik, and we have two beautiful children. My family is one of a kind and I am truly blessed to have them. I can’t worry about what people are thinking and what their opinions are. If people don’t look at me as a person but negatively focus on what I have, I keep myself away from them. But as for people who look at me as a person, Debbie, and accept what I have, that’s who I want to be around. I’ve learned to be very selective about people, for my protection, after the acts of racism I’ve experienced with some people. That goes the same with my job, because people forget that I’m married to a black man and have biracial children and they slip and demonstrate their acts of racism. So I am always careful around those people.

LOVING DAY…I am glad I have a loving family. I cherish my children and my husband. My husband and I may not have a perfect marriage but…that makes us The Colbert Family. I love you all.”

The post Loving Day: Deaf Interracial Relationships appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

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Deaf People Telling Stories: As psychotherapists who listen to people’s stories every day, our radar is especially attuned to the subtle conditions that must be in place before many people will venture to share their deepest thoughts and feelings. As white people, we wonder how Deaf people of color feel about being asked by white Deaf people to tell their stories of racism.

How many Deaf people of color trust their stories and feelings to white Deaf people? Do Deaf people of color appreciate being told that white Deaf people want to empower and help them?

Perhaps some Deaf people of color do want an invitation to come forward and share their stories with white Deaf people. Some, however, may not.

Looking Inside Ourselves — Our White Privilege: It’s quite possible that some Deaf people of color are tired of pointing out racism to white Deaf people, just like some Deaf people are tired of pointing out audism to hearing people. In the same way that Deaf people often wish hearing people would examine their own audist beliefs and attitudes, so might some Deaf people of color wish that white Deaf people would take a closer look at their white privilege and racist beliefs and attitudes.

Instead of expecting Deaf people of color to jump up and share their stories with us, and going, “oh well, we tried”, if they choose not to, perhaps white Deaf people may do better to make a conscious effort to become more aware of our own racism and the subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways we reveal it everyday.

What do we understand about white privilege? How often do we think about the advantages we have because of our skin color? How many of us think “reverse racism” if we lose out on a job to a Deaf person of color or question a Deaf person of color’s qualifications for a job?

These are all questions we would do well to spend time considering. Not until we truly recognize how white privilege benefits us, will we ever begin to “get” what racism is all about.

REFERENCES:

Baer, A. (2007, October 15). The stark difference between being self empowered and being empowered. Anne Marie’s metaASL. Retrieved October 15, 2007, from http://annemarieasl.tumblr.com/post/15740078

Duchesneau, S. M. & McCullough, C. A. (2006, June 19). Majority privileges. ASC on the Couch. Retrieved October 16, 2007), from http://www.ascdeaf.com/blog/?p=53

Mack, A. (2007, October 11). Calling on Deaf people of color. Deaf Cinematic Flimblog. Retrieved October 11, 2007

Mutti, S. F. (2007, October 15). Deaf leaders adopt zero tolerance for racism. DeafDC.com Blog. Retrieved October 15, 2007, from http://www.deafdc.com/blog/?p=1089

The post Blog Response to Aidan Mack: Racism and White Privilege appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Hiding Behind the Mask of Professionalism

October 12, 2006

Dear Colleagues in the Mental Health Field:

Like many people in the Deaf community, the Gallaudet University protest weighs heavily in our hearts today, as we are sure it does in yours, whether or not you have taken a public stand. As Deaf-centered psychotherapists and alumnae of Gallaudet University, we cannot sit back on the couch in silence, hiding behind a mask of professionalism, while grave social justice issues are at stake. We address this letter to our fellow colleagues in the mental health field – psychotherapists, social workers, psychologists, rehabilitation counselors, program administrators and coordinators, educators, interpreters, lawyers, medical personnel, and other specialists in the field, Deaf and hearing alike.

Neutrality or Authenticity

Those of us who work in the mental health field have often been taught that neutrality is one of our necessary professional behaviors. Outside of the therapy office, we ask, in what way does neutrality serve us, our clients, and our Deaf community? How do we act as role models of authenticity and social responsibility by remaining silent, by pretending to have no opinion, or by looking the other way during discussions about the issues of oppression underlying the Gallaudet protest?

Oppression = No Mental Health

Audism and racism (and many other isms) have a negative impact on our clients’ and our own well-being. Years of oppression have taken their toll on the mental health of our Deaf community, both at individual and collective levels. Mental health cannot exist where there is oppression, for oppression leads to hopelessness; where there is powerlessness, for powerlessness leads to despair; where there is inequality, for inequality leads to anger and resentment; where there is audism and racism, for audism and racism lead to self-hatred and low self-esteem. As professionals, how can we be neutral about oppression, when it is the enemy of mental health?

Social Justice is the Issue

There can be no such thing as neutrality when it comes to oppression, inequality, and prejudice. When there is outrage about the appalling statistic that only 3% of Gallaudet faculty members are Deaf African Americans or Deaf Black Africans, when there is anger about the University’s continuing hiring of hearing faculty, despite the already existing excessively high ratio of hearing to Deaf faculty members, when there is bitterness about departments refusing to provide interpreters for professors when students cannot understand their signing…social justice is absent. No matter if we agree with the specifics of the Gallaudet protest or not, the greater issue of the day is social justice, and it should be one on which we all can agree.

Our Concerns

We are concerned for the well-being of the protesters, who have spent long days and nights fighting to be heard by the Gallaudet Board
of Trustees and administration. We are concerned for the parents, who
worry, with good reason, about their children’s safety on a campus with a less than stellar record for protecting its students from harm. We are concerned for the staff and faculty, who are taking great risks by joining in the protest. We are concerned for the alumni, near and far, who dream that future generations of Deaf children will be able to attend an oppression-free Gallaudet. We care about our Deaf community and we are concerned.

The Harm in Hiding behind Professionalism

Being mental health professionals does not preclude us from having our own opinions, nor does it preclude us from taking a public stand. What is more harmful to our clients and our Deaf community: hiding behind the mask of professionalism by remaining neutral, or choosing to be authentic and speak up against injustices?

Fear or Freedom

Some of you, at Gallaudet University and elsewhere, may be afraid that speaking up could result in the loss of your job or future job opportunities. If you are Deaf, we ask, what price are you willing to pay to work in a place free from oppression? If you are hearing, we ask, is not the likelihood that you can find other employment in a hearing environment sufficient to inspire you to rally for social justice?

Willing Participants or Not

Do we, as mental health professionals, want to be willing participants in the social injustices of audism and racism? If not, we must take a stand. Supporting the request for the resignation of Jane K. Fernandes is one way to begin; true progress toward social justice, however, can only continue if all of us, individuals, University departments, professional organizations, and mental health centers, commit to righting what is so obviously wrong, now and in the future.

We ask you, our colleagues in the mental health profession, to get off the couch and take a stand.

Respectfully,

Candace A. McCullough, PhD
Sharon M. Duchesneau, MA, LCPC

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In a chapter of a book devoted to multicultural mental health, Marsella and Yamada (2000) describe how society’s long-standing and deep-rooted social injustices can hurt people’s mental health. We thought about the implications of these injustices for our Deaf community’s mental health, especially today at Gallaudet, where so many Deaf people are struggling with issues that impact their mental health. Summarized below are the authors’ main points, which we think are well worth repeating.

There can be no mental health:

Where there is powerlessness, for powerlessness breeds despair.

Where there is poverty, for poverty breeds hopelessness.

Where there is inequality, for inequality breeds anger and resentment.

Where there is racism, for racism breeds low self-esteem and self-denigration.

Where there is cultural disintegration and destruction, for cultural disintegration and destruction breed confusion and conflict.

The post Mental Health Concerns in Our Deaf Community: The Roots Grow Deep appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

1. A girl comes home from school, crushed after learning that the role of Peter Pan in her class play can only be played by a boy. Girls must take on “girl” parts; boys must do “boy” parts. How ironic, considering that in all the major productions of this story, Peter Pan has actually been played by a series of actresses, including Mary Martin, Sandy Duncan, and Cathy Rigby. Where is the challenge and fun in acting, if gender roles are not allowed to be explored? What kind of message does this send to children?

2. A girl is told that she can’t write a report on Albert Einstein, but must instead study a female scientist such as Marie Curie. The teacher has divided the assignment by gender. Although the teacher most likely had good intentions in wanting to expose the girls to female heroes and role models, the implications of dividing by gender are not simple. For one thing, most of the girls and boys were probably more familiar with the famous male scientists – simply because American history tends to ignore women’s contributions. It would be natural for the children to want to learn more about someone whom they already recognize.

When a girl in this situation is told she can’t study a certain famous person because she happens to be a girl, she is also being told, very subtly, that just being a girl is enough to prevent her from getting something she wants. Her enthusiasm for learning may be dampened. Redesigning the assignment so that girls and boys study both male and female scientists might be more effective. In this way, both girls and boys will be exposed to appropriate role models. When all is equal, there is less likelihood of complaints and objections. If it so happens that a boy objects to studying Marie Curie because she is a g-i-r-l, then this could be a perfect opportunity to teach the children about sexism.

3. A boy is told that he can’t choose to spend his money to get his nails polished during a lunchtime fundraising event at school, even though any girl can. He can pick from any of the other booth offerings, but not this one, because it is for girls only. Once again, a child is being told that gender is a basis for deciding what girls and boys can and cannot do.

Removing the Isms for Deaf Children: When incidents like the Peter Pan play, the Albert Einstein report, and the nail polish taboo, happen again and again over the years, they have a tremendous impact on how children think about themselves and the opposite sex. Not just girls, but boys, as well, end up paying an emotional price for sexism. Little by little, children learn that they are supposed to think and behave in certain ways, according to their gender. As noted by a teacher in this excellent article on teaching middle school students about sexism, girls often set lower professional goals for themselves, and both boys and girls easily fall into stereotypical thinking about male and female roles.

Deaf children already deal with audism, and will encounter more of it in their future. Our goal as Deaf adults should be to try to remove as many of the other “-isms”, including sexism and racism, from their lives. Parents and teachers can learn more about how to identify subtle sexism (in addition to racism and other -isms) by checking out these guidelines on screening books. Our goal, and we hope, yours, too, is for all Deaf children, girls and boys, to dream big, unoppressed by any “-isms’.

The post Sorry, Hannah, You Can’t Study Albert Einstein appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

And What Does This Imply About Racism?: Measuring women’s accomplishments in terms of men’s accomplishments is nothing new. Neither is comparing racial/ethnic minorities to racial/ethnic majorities, which is what some psychological research journals insist on doing. A study on extraordinarily successful African American youths was submitted to a journal for publication, only to be rejected. Why? Because one of the reviewers said the study needed a white control group. Yes, you read that right – a white control group! First of all, the study was specifically about African American youths. Second, you don’t see reviewers demanding African American or Chinese American control groups for studies that involve mostly white participants. If it isn’t racist to turn down a study that attempts to gain understanding of a particular racial or ethnic group, then what is this attitude all about?

Or Audism?: Not that we want every other posting to be about audism, but it’s hard to ignore that a lot of the above applies to Deaf people, too. How often have you heard “Can a Deaf person do the job?” or “What about hearing schools, how do their students do on this kind of test or how do they behave in similar situations?”. Yes, there are times when it is perfectly fine to check what the majority is doing, but there are definitely other times when it may not be so necessary. We have caught ourselves saying, “Well, let’s check with so-and-so to see what they think about this issue”, then realizing that we were placing too much importance on hearing people’s opinions, instead of checking with our Deaf peers. Isms are everywhere and we really have to work hard to be conscientious of them.

The post Isms are Everywhere: Sexism, Racism, Audism appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.