Hi, my name is Sandy Graham. I’m from Michigan. My son was shot when he was only 14 years old, back in 1997. He would have been 36 years old today. His name is Saleh (shows name-sign “S” shaking from side to side). What happened was that a boy named John, who was almost 16 years old, found his father’s hand gun in his parents’ bedroom closet. John’s father was a retired police officer and had three hand guns in his closet. There was no lock. John thought that it would be cool to show the gun to his friends, so he invited three friends into his car. My son was sitting in the front and the other two boys were in the back. John asked the three boys to play the Russian roulette game. He first put a bullet in the gun, then removed it. He thought the gun was empty, but there was actually one bullet already inside. He pulled the trigger and killed my son. The two boys in the back were okay.

This hit me so hard and broke my heart. He was such a young boy – he was gone already and would never come back. It was heartbreaking. It was suggested that I go to a grief support group, but I didn’t feel comfortable with that group. One of my close friends, who is hearing and knows sign, Kriya (shows name-sign K moving down right side of head), invited me to meet her friend named Smokey Rain (shows name-sign smoke-rain), who is a half Native American healer. She offered to do a ritual for my son and I accepted.

I had never experienced that Native American ritual before. She asked me to bring one of Saleh’s favorite things, so I brought a large quartz crystal from his desk. We went to the place where he was shot, at John’s parents’ house, to try to reach Saleh’s spirit through a ritual that involved chanting, and bring the spirit into the crystal. Then I brought the crystal home and asked Smokey Rain what to do next. She told me to focus on communicating with my son, so I thought it over and asked my son what he wanted me to do for him. The answer I received was to invite all of Saleh’s close friends from school over, because many of them had always come over to our house to play with my son, joke around, act funny, sign, and other things. Many kids loved him. He played both soccer and basketball. So, I reached out to one of his best friends, a boy, who agreed to come, along with 10 close friends, and my daughter, who was 11 years old at that time.

When Saleh’s friends came over, they felt better just being able to see Saleh’s things in his bedroom. Visiting helped them to feel better and heal. Many of them had been afraid to come over to my house. No one had come over to my house after Saleh died. I felt heartbroken, depressed and all alone. When his friends came over, I felt better. It helped me heal from my grief.

Next, Smokey Rain suggested that I go with her to a Native American community center to celebrate Saleh’s spirit. I went there and played the drums, felt the vibrations and it was such a beautiful ritual. I was filled with gratitude. After this, Smokey Rain suggested that we go to Saleh’s grave for another ritual, which was a truly beautiful one where we let Saleh’s spirit leave the earth and journey into the universe with the wind. I had to accept this and let him go. My grief went on and my healing happened slowly. Almost one year after Saleh died, Kriya invited me to go to a sweat lodge, which helped me feel better and heal from my grief. That was the last part of my journey. I had to go on with my life. I will always love my son in my heart forever.

(video description: Sandy is a light-skinned woman wearing glasses, and a purple top with a black jacket, standing with trees and sky behinder her, signing her story.)

Resources:

https://deafcounseling.com/grief-after-a-murder-grant-whitaker-and-mavrick-martin-fisher/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_roulette

The post Grief: Sandy’s ASL Story of Her Son Being Shot appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Terrylene shares the profound grief she experienced upon her son’s death. 

For me, grief was a foreign word until it comes crashing down on my life. In human being experience and life milestones such as finding love, getting married, first day of school. Grief is part of human being milestones. Grief cannot and will not escape humanity. My world now slashed by a butcher knife, forever disfigured inside. An unknown and uninvited guest moved in with me. And her name was Grief. All my strength drained out as depression sets in. Remembering Gio, my beautiful son. I was going to go out to search for him again.
But the hands kept pushing me back from the door, I am trying to get past to the door to find him. I am looking for him. The policewoman hands kept stopping me. Then it dawned on me, I asked… Is my son. Gone to heaven? (Gesturing). Her head nodded. 
I lost it, I was gone. She kept trying to have me seat. I sat down but then I got right up. I have gone insane. My body was all over the place, leaning down then up. Pacing around non sensible, right, left, up, down, circling. Nothing made sense to me. I did nothing sensible. I was just moving, searching all around. I was looking for a way to connect with him again. Then I saw a window, searching to connect with my son, my hands called out! I kept signing. Dark grey clouds, drizzle rain that wouldn’t go away, leaves moving relentlessly in the chilly breeze. “Archangel Michael!”, my hands called out! “Why didn’t you protect my son? My daddy kneeled and prayed to you.” I saw him asking you to protect my baby son for the rest of his life. You didn’t protect him.” “Gio, where are you?” I signed nonsensibly. Suddenly, the insanity was gone. I looked around the room. There were policemen scrambling in my living room. I told them to get out of my place. I did not want my nine-year-old daughter to wake up to this and become traumatized. 

I hurriedly kicked them all out, shut the door. And the room was all quiet and empty. Time was ticking as she is about to wake. What do I tell her? Your brother has crossed over. Depression stole his life. It engulfed his mind, his body and his soul. How do I protect her from this violent news? My return to sane from insanity was due to my daughter. I am grateful to her for saving my life. In my sane, I thought, what do I do? I felt this presence settling in. Grace embraced me. I have never felt anything like that. All the help that quickly came for me. Friends and family. All the help that quickly came for me. Was I easier to help? Help my son! He needed you. He needed you the most. All my strength drained out. I was wiped out. I was forgetful. I had no memory. Shocked. I could not focus on anything. In this mindless emptiness. I remember two things that happened. A friend who took the time to put vitamin in my mouth. This simple act woke my body to healing. The light bulb went on in my wholeness system. I remembered how I always took care of myself. This self care skills were absent in my life. I realized I have fallen in deep depression. I had to do something to climb back. This was one of the first thing that flickered the “self care” back into my system. The second thing I did for myself was. When someone asked, “Is there anything I can do?” Lost in my abyss world, I would remember the day to say. “Call me on Monday.” Then the next person, “Call me on Tuesday.” Then the next person, “Call me on Wednesday.” Whomever kept their word, called me back. I would force myself to connect. I would force myself to chat. I would force myself to ask them, to take me out for coffee/tea time. Take me out for a walk. It took all of me to get up. It was a total work out to even dress up for just a small event of the day. It was tiring. Somehow over time, my life regenerated bit by bit, returning to normalcy and the society. Since grief absorbed me, living close by like a bay. When the wind come, the wave would rise. It would come and go whenever. Sometimes the wave come unexpectedly. I am forgetful all over again. I could not focus on anything. I make more mistakes. So I remember to rest, to honor myself. I pick up myself again. The cycle starts all over again from time to time. My comfort sin the knowing that I am not alone. Grief comes knocking other doors. I empathize in others’ loss and their pain. I hold compassion for us all. Thank you Deaf Counseling Center for asking me to share with you.

(video description: Terrylene is a light-skinned woman wearing a sleeveless top, standing in front of two paintings and signing.)

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Participating in the Campaign

Who: Anyone who is Deaf or an ally of the Deaf community, who lives in the US

The post Therapy, the Deaf Way – National Campaign appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Sharon Duchesneau: All of us have different types of stress in our lives. Work stress, family stress, financial stress, sickness stress and so on. We all deal with variable amounts of stress. Imagine this is your life in the glass (picks up glass one quarter filled with blue water with left hand). The blue represents a relatively low level of stress that is pretty manageable (puts glass down). Now over here is a container full of different stressors that can show up in your life (points to full measuring cup). Let’s add them to your life (pours water into glass, filling it to the rim). Now your stress level is almost maxed out. Then one day something happens – it could be something minor or it could be a major incident (adds more water to the glass until it overflows) – It’s overwhelming and so stressful that you can’t handle it anymore. So how are we supposed to manage stress? Self-care! This can be done through exercising, eating right, sleeping right, socializing… and even talking privately with a counselor/therapist. All of these help to reduce stress. Using self-care to manage stress looks like this (pours water from glass back into measuring cup until glass is less than half full, then puts glass down): Now with a reduced level of stress, you are able to breathe easier and manage any stress that shows up in your life.

Deaf Counseling Center provides therapy to Deaf clients on a national basis.

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Sheli Barber: So many of us share the common experience of cultural and language deprivation, audism and identity trauma. This all begins in the hospital. On the day we were born, our parents held us and looked at us with loving gazes. Then the doctor entered the room and announced, “I am sorry, your baby is Deaf.”

A referral to the audiologist followed. The audiologist conducted a test and confirmed, “Yes, your baby is definitely Deaf. I am sorry.” Next was the referral to the cochlear implant surgeon, who said, “Yes, your baby is Deaf. To ensure the best chance in this world for a normal life, I strongly recommend a cochlear implant or a hearing aid. I recommend using speech and simultaneous communication. I recommend your child is mainstreamed with other Deaf students, or alone. Your child needs to interact with hearing peers and hearing family members. Then your child will grow up to be normal.”

The parents believe the doctor knows what is best, so they place the child in a hearing school. The child is wearing tiny new hearing aids or implants, which many of us disliked and insisted on removing. We dreaded and rebelled against having to go to endless and pointless speech therapy sessions. We received praise at school only if we succeeded in passing and behaving exactly like hearing people. If we behaved like we were Deaf, we were criticized harshly. As Deaf children, we learned that it was better to act like we were hearing and do our best to fit into that world. We struggled many times in different social situations, outdoor recess, lunchtime, in classrooms, with our families, at Thanksgiving. We always felt left out and uncomfortable.

It was not until we became adults, that we were finally exposed for the first time to the Deaf community, ASL and Deaf culture, perhaps through college, or the community or work. We were thrilled and excited to meet other Deaf people and finally discover our identity. At the same time, we experienced feelings of resentment about all the years of audism we had experienced.

Many of us went to counseling to unpack the effects of audism, to reclaim and heal ourselves, so we could feel whole again as Deaf adults. Now, with Early Healthy Deaf Identity, we can transform the process by which medical providers approach parents at the hospital. We should celebrate the life of each child. Remember that moment when parents are holding their newborn for the first time? The doctor should come in and say, “Congratulations! Your child is healthy and Deaf! Here are all the information and resources that will help your child grow up to lead a very healthy life as a Deaf person.”

Please know that for more information, you can contact Deaf Counseling Center: www.deafcounseling.com.

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Addiction Treatment Options for Deaf People: For Deaf people who are dealing with addiction (alcohol, meth, opioid, cocaine, etc.), the biggest and most common challenge, aside from asking for help, is the struggle to find accessible treatment programs where staff are fluent in ASL and knowledgeable about Deaf people and Deaf culture. With only a handful of inpatient and residential substance abuse programs available nationally, that are specifically focused on working with Deaf clients, the majority of Deaf people seeking support with addiction end up in hearing-centered programs where access is provided via interpreters.

Challenges in Treatment: In addition to Deaf patients having to deal with the mental, emotional and physical stresses that are typical aspects of the treatment and rehabilitation process, they must also deal with invisible stressors related to audism and oppression. The list of barriers to treatment for Deaf people is long and overwhelming. It can include the treatment program’s initial resistance to providing ASL interpreters; the energy and time expended on fighting for communication accessibility; having to work with counselors, social workers, psychologists and medical staff who are unfamiliar with Deaf people and who may exhibit audist behaviors toward the Deaf patient, whether intentional or not; having to live with, socialize with, and participate in group therapy and other activities with hearing patients who, like the staff, usually have no knowledge of or experience with interacting with Deaf people; constantly having to explain Deaf culture and norms to hearing clinicians, staff, and fellow patients (i.e., appropriate and inappropriate ways to get the Deaf patient’s attention, refraining from asking the Deaf patient to speak with voice); having to advocate for accommodations, including captions on videos and television and light flasher for room door; and limited options for rehabilitation support in the Deaf patient’s home community following discharge from inpatient treatment.

Ongoing Support with Recovery: Each of the challenges listed above adds additional stress to the already difficult and complicated recovery process. Dealing with the isolation of treatment can be traumatic for Deaf people whose lives may have been characterized by constant isolation if they were the only Deaf member of a non-signing hearing family or even if they came from a Deaf family but attended mainstream school programs without Deaf peers. Rehabilitation programs, while essential to recovery, can also trigger emotional wounds, making the recovery process even more complicated. To provide support, Deaf Counseling Center offers outpatient individual and family counseling with Deaf counselors and therapists who are fluent in ASL and experienced in working with Deaf clients. Please feel free to contact us at info@deafcounseling.com for more information.

The post The Leaf: ASL Poem by John Maucere about Addiction appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

The chart below lists the different types of antidepressants and their common side effects. If you prefer to avoid medication and want to know how to treat depression naturally, check out the related articles at the bottom of this article.

Related articles:

Just the Blues? Or is it Depression? by Deaf Counseling Center

You Are Worth It: Suicide Prevention Week by Deaf Counseling Center

Coping With Side Effects of Depression Treatment by WebMD

10 Natural Depression Treatments by WebMD

13 Natural Remedies for Depression by Everydayroots

The post Antidepressants & Common Side Effects appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

Tags: suicide, oppression, audism, Deaf, psychologist, therapist, counselor, social worker, counseling, mental health, depression, anxiety, PTSD, ASC, ASCDEAF, Facundo Element, Alison, prevention, Michigan

The post You Are Worth It: National Suicide Prevention Week appeared first on Deaf Counseling Center.

How Do You Know if It’s Depression?: Depression is more than just a bad mood, sadness, or an upset reaction to bad grade or a break-up. Clinical depression is different in the sense that the depressed mood lasts longer than two weeks and the symptoms are much more intense, interfering with school, work, relationships, and responsibilities. Symptoms of depression can include some or all of the following: constant feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness; significant weight loss or gain; sleeping more or less than usual; difficulty concentrating; loss of interest in life’s pleasures; agitation or restlessness; thinking about suicide or making plans for suicide. Sometimes people may attempt to mask these symptoms of depression by over-using alcohol or other drugs, in an effort to “self-medicate”. For an in-depth signed presentation on depression, see this link.

Causes: There are many possible causes of depression. Some of these are: major life events such as moving, divorce, empty-nest, or the death of someone important to you; chemical imbalances; post-partum depression; peri- or post-menopausal depression; traumatic experiences; and certain medical conditions. Deaf people may experience job-related depression, especially when isolation, communication difficulties, discrimination, or lack of opportunity for employment or promotion exist. Other potential triggers for depression in Deaf people can include disappointment in a child’s hearing or Deaf status, difficulties with communication in Deaf-hearing families, issues related to cochlear implants, and identity issues. In addition, Deaf people with Usher Syndrome may experience depression when dealing with deteriorating vision.

What Can You Do About Depression?: The good news about depression is that it does go away when you make an effort to do something about it and there are many things you can do about depression. If the trigger is not obvious, the first thing to do is get a physical check-up, to rule out any possible medical causes. Next, making sure you eat, sleep, and exercise properly is very important. Sharing your feelings with people close to you can be worthwhile. Psychotherapy can help you sort out feelings and identify your options for making changes. As a last resort, anti-depressant medication can be helpful in getting through the worst of the depression. Take control of your depression, instead of letting it control you.

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